Changes

Over the past four and a half years of mommy hood, I have gotten used to changes and transitions. The first year of having a baby is full of transitions; transition from three naps to two, up all night to (hopefully) sleeping through the night. They begin on a diet of breast milk or formula and then you introduce solid food and your routine is totally different. Once you get used to doing something one way, their needs change. Things are constantly changing and I'd like to think that I've done a pretty good job of rolling with it over the years. 

We have a pretty big change on the horizon and to me it's bigger and harder to process than adding another kiddo to the mix. My sweet little Addy Grace will be going to Kindgarten in the fall. She is thrilled but her momma is an emotional mess about it and thinking that maybe I'm really not that great with change. 

I've known it was coming for four years now and I've actually been excited about it. I mean, can't you just picture her in her "1st Day of Kindergarten" photo? She's going to be the cutest little student. She's so excited and I'm excited for her. But I'm also a little sad and I can't really tell you why.

Perhaps those silly hormones are still to blame (I gave birth less than three months ago after all) or maybe its events that have taken place over the past couple of months. Whatever it is, this momma is having a hard time. 

The most stressful part about Addy going to Kindergarten is that Matt and I have to make a decision about where she will go. Praise the Lord that we have several really great choices. Whether we choose classical, a family school, a private or public school, I am sure she will do just fine. But making that decision is really really hard! It's probably our biggest decision to make as parents yet and I kind of wish we had another four years to just put it off.

But alas, all children must grow up sometime and Addy must go to school. And eventually she will be followed by Remi and then Britton and my heart might just break a little each time. Thankfully these changes come in phases and not all at once.

Praise the Lord that He is sovereign and He is trustworthy with the lives of my children. And I will continue to learn to trust Him more and more. 

Bringing Home Baby Britton

I set down to write this post when our little guy was only a week old. Two weeks later, Im finally getting around to finishing. I guess that's a good example of what life is like with 3 and you're running on little sleep. I usually opt for a nap when I do get some free time. Posting photos isn't on the top of my priority list these days. But, since this blog has always served as way of preserving memories for me, I'll pour another cup of coffee and skip the nap today. 

Britton has been home for a week   almost 3 weeks and we are so thankful we got to spend his first week at home. It was a precious time for all of us and the weeks since then seem to have flown by. Here's a little glimpse of what these early weeks as a family of 5 have been like:

Welcome home baby brudder! 

They both asked to hold him as soon as we got home from the hospital.

Always the little momma, Addy is adjusting well and finding ways to be helpful. When she's not holding Britton or helping her Mom, she's imitating me with her own baby.

Bringing a baby home to a 4 year old is a lot different than coming home to a 2 year old. There are a lot more questions! Most of them I am happy answer and for some I'm thankful when her Dad answers: "isn't it cool that God made it that way? And that's all you need to know for now."

Remi is equally excited about Britton, who he sometimes refers to as "that baby" or "my baby sister." He asks to hold him frequently but needs to be under constant supervision when he does.

He will be thrilled someday when they can finally rough house together. Until then, he's learning how to give the baby gentle love pats.

Being the third kid, Britton has no problem letting us know when he's upset.

Meeting sweet cousin Carter.

This was a typical scene that first week. Britton was usually being held or read to, or both.

Man talks with Dad

I found these while cleaning out my phone. The kids love to take pictures of the baby and other things.

Sweet Gran spent two weeks with us which was such a blessing! But between momma always having to feed him and his siblings fighting over him, she would often have to wait till late in the evening to get to hold Britton. 

Goodness, when did Remi get so big??

Oh my heart.

I can't wait to see how Britton continues to change and grow and how our family adapts along with him.

Britton Knox Danner

He's here! Our baby BOY is finally here. 

Britton Knox was born on a beautiful fall day, September 20th, 2015 at 12:34 pm. He weighed 9 lbs, 4 oz and was 21 inches long.

The night before Britton was born, Matt, the kids and I had dinner with my parents who were in town for a pickle ball tournament. I was two days over due. We talked about how we didn't think this baby would ever come and how praying for patience is never a good idea. My parents headed back up to Colorado that night not knowing that they would be headed back down the next morning. 

Feeling a little bit discouraged that I still didn't have a baby in my arms and not wanting to face another round of "no baby yet?" and "praying we don't see you next Sunday"s, (all from very loving people who were just as anxious for me to have a baby as I was), we opted to skip church the next morning. We planned on having a relaxing Sunday where we would gear up for another week. 

Around 6 O'Clock Sunday morning, I woke up to go to the bathroom. When I laid back down my back started to hurt. And then it stopped. And then it started again. And then it stopped. And then it started again….You get the idea, labor had begun! 

I started timing the contractions, woke Matt up and got dressed. The contractions were starting to get more painful and a little more consistent. We woke up the kids, dropped them off at their aunt's house and headed down town to the hospital. Strangely, the freeway was closed at 6:30 on a Sunday morning. We managed to get there anyway and when we arrived at Triage the nurse said: "What brings you in today?"

I was 3 cm when they checked me. The nurse and the midwife kept saying things like: "If this is labor…." I was pretty sure it was but I guess the baby wasn't responding to the contractions like they wanted him too, something about an old placenta. (?) The plan was to get the baby to respond and then send me for a walk. Well by the time they wanted me to walk, I could barely move and the contractions were killing me. I guess I was screaming pretty loud because every nurse in triage found their way to my room to see what was going on. When they checked me again, I was 6 cm. Things were moving fast and I was beginning to panic because it hurt and I wanted the drugs. 

The nurses (there were like 5 in the room at this point) began poking me for an IV so I could get the epidural as soon as they moved me into labor and delivery. Apparently, I have bad veins because they tried in 4 different places before calling the anesthesiologist, in to get the job done. (I'm pretty sure I was freaking out at this point). When that was finally over with, they raced me into another room at Labor and Delivery. I had my eyes closed the whole time but it seemed like we were flying down the hall. 

Once we got to our room, everyone got hats and masks for the epidural and Matt got a special chair directly in front of me. (Have I mentioned how great Matt was? He deserved that special chair) I was 8 cm at this point and they didn't think it would work. Thankfully it did. In fact, it worked so well that at one point I couldn't feel my chest and had a hard time breathing. And then I started to freak out again. They put me on oxygen and lowered the dosage. 

At this point, things slowed down. I couldn't feel the contractions anymore, I was still on oxygen but able to relax. Matt and I both closed our eyes for a little while and some where in there my parents finally checked their phone and started to head back down to Albuquerque. 

Somewhere around 11 O'Clock or so, as they began to lower the dosage of the epidural, I felt the need to push, like really felt it. I didn't remember this feeling with my other two deliveries and I started to panic. Again. Thankfully, Matt was a great coach and talked me out of panic mode for what must have been the third time that day. 

I didn't have to push for very long before we had a baby. According to Matt, he came out "spread eagle" so announcing the sex was much easier this time. It was a boy! We were thrilled and so so surprised. Another little boy.

They placed him on my chest right away without even cutting the cord. I held him for an hour after he was born. A whole hour before they even touched him! I'm tearing up as I type this. I had never gotten to do that with my other babies and I was so thankful. The midwife said right away that he wouldn't have to go the NICU and Matt and I were both praising the Lord for answering our prayers. He had given us a healthy baby boy. 

When they did finally take him from me to measure and weigh him, Matt looked out the window and said "Its a beautiful fall day to have a baby." And it was. 

Turns out, Britton was another big boy, like his brother. He weighed in at 9 lbs and 4 oz, after having just pooped and peed.

My sweet parents arrived probably about 5 minutes after Britton was born and they were so patient, hanging out in the waiting room until they could come in and see him. 

Addy and Remi got to meet Britton that night. We were a little worried about Addy since she wanted a sister so bad but she was in love at first sight. 

Sweet Remi might have been a little confused but he was excited to sit in my lap and hold the baby. He also learned his name right away. 

Holy cow, we have 3 kids!

All my babies together at last.

Matt and I spent the night in the hospital with Britton, our first time having a baby in the room with us and it felt so much more normal. The next day, a little over 24 hours later we were able to go home. It felt a little surreal but we were so thankful. 

What a blessing it has been to be recovering at home with all of our kids under one roof. 

We give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. 

40 Weeks with Baby D #3

I have to admit that I was hoping to not have to write a 40 week blog post. I would much rather be snuggling my little one, but as it turns out, I'm not in control. 

Today is Baby Danner's due date, the day we've been waiting 10 months for. And although it feels a little anti-climatic, I'm thankful that baby is still safe and growing smarter and bigger.

Trying to have a little fun while waiting on baby.

I have about two shirts and a pair of pants that still fit, my feet are swollen and my long slender fingers have turned into man hands. My back hurts and I think I got up almost every hour to use the bathroom last night. 

I'm definitely ready to be done, BUT God is good. I've received a lot of sweet messages with people checking up on me. We had a fun morning with cousins, Addy and Remi are playing well and making me smile and there are some fun things going on this weekend that will be fun to go to if Baby doesn't make an appearance. I'm tired but trying to trust in His timing.

"My times are in your hand." Psalm 31:15

Looking forward to my next update introducing you to our new little one!

39 Weeks and 5 Days with Baby D #3

Tomorrow I will be two days away from my due date. Two. Days.

Our lives will be forever changed any minute from now or 1-2 weeks from now. Waiting on a baby is the weirdest thing right? There's nothing like waiting on a baby to remind you how much you are NOT in control. Some days I am better at giving up that control than others. Today, I am trying really hard to trust in His timing and not my own. 

Today I am 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant and can greatly relate with this lady that I found on Pinterest.

(http://thislittleadventureofmine.blogspot.com/2014/08/39-weeks.html?spref=pi)

I've entered Stage 5 of pregnancy according to the Scary Mommy blogger:

"You feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit. You want to crash through walls and shout “oh yeah!” like the KoolAid man. People keep saying “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you’re going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You’re no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it."

That pretty much sums it up. I could add to the list of aches and pains and reasons why I am so done being pregnant, but instead, I'll leave you with a few lines from a book that I picked up again tonight after not giving it much thought at first. I was just telling someone the other day that I didn't really care for the book, Loving the Little Years, because it had too many analogies or metaphors or whatever those things are called. I wasn't really getting anything out of it. But in my insomnia,  I gave it another chance and found some really encouraging words in chapter 14 titled "Me Time" that I thought were particullary encouraging giving my current state.

"Motherhood is what your stomach was made for - and any wear and tear that it shows is simply the sign of a well-used tool. We are not to treat our bodies like museum pieces. They were not given to us to preserve, they were given to us to use. So use it cheerfully, and maintain it cheerfully."

The author goes on to say:

"Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work. One of the greatest testimonies Christian women have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another while so many women choose to not have children or abort the children that they were given, the testimony of women who know the cost and joyfully pay it is profound……… So realize that your body  is a testimony to the world of God's design. Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully."

That last part is something I definitely want to remember in the next months as getting dressed becomes the question of "what will fit today." I want to enjoy my new baby and when the time comes, work hard to loose that weight with a joyful heart. I'm sure I will have to look back at this several times.

I read a few other chapters and they were all so good and so timely, which seems to be a theme lately. God is using books and bible studies to speak to my heart, just where I am at and I am so thankful. And since I have the worst memory ever, I do my best to document and put things in places where I can look back on them. I usually do that here, which is the reason for the quote overload today. Sorry friends.

In that same chapter in Loving the Little Years, the author Rachel Jankovic, suggests that our identity as Christian women is intertwined with our family, our husband and children. I would ague that our identity is actually in Christ and finding our identity in other people could be a dangerous thing, however, she did have a good point in that we don't need a day alone to shop to "rediscover ourselves" or find out what we are really all about. Instead if we're looking for "me time," she suggested going on a date with your husband or doing something special with your kids. And I think that I will do just that. 

Instead of banking a bunch of alone time before the baby comes, because who knows when I will get it again, I'm going to take the kids out to do something fun tomorrow. It probably won't be life changing, because it's pretty hard to move, but maybe I'll buy them a scone at Starbucks and let them pick out a drink that they always ask for, because it will only be just the two of them for so much longer. Hopefully not too much longer, but you get the idea. 

Here's to ceasing the day! Carpe Diem and all that.