I woke up Friday morning after 6 straight hours of sleep feeling on top of the world. Matt and I had finally figured out the secrete to getting our baby to sleep through the night. Oh ya! We rock as parents.
Feeling well rested, Addy and I set out for her four month check up. She took those shots like a champ but I left the doctors office feeling much less energetic than when I went in. I learned that Addy only gained about two pounds in the past two months. Hmm, suddenly I don't feel like that great a parent anymore.
The doctor was concerned about her weight gain as was I. She thought it might have to do with my milk supply or possible reflux since she spits up so much. She gave her a prescription for the reflux and suggested I feed her every 2 hours as well as supplement with formula for the next week and then go back in for a weight check.
I left feeling discouraged and frustrated. It's hard not to take that kind of news or advice personally. After all, this is my sole job now, to keep my baby fed and healthy.
Why didn't I pay more attention to her weight gain? I know she's small for her age, no one fails to point that out to me. But in the same breath, they say what a happy baby she is.
Was I wrong to put her on the schedule she was on? Should I have asked for medicine for the spit up sooner? Should I have forced her to nurse longer when she seemed satisfied and content to just talk to me?
I was quick to defend myself.
The doctor doesn't know what she's talking about. I did exactly what the book said. I'm her Mom, I know best.
My wise husband kindly reminded me that I had been praying for wisdom and guidance in raising Addy and this might be the Lord's way of giving it to me. Yes, this is true. We go to doctors for a reason, we trust that they are there to help us.
So to make a long post a bit shorter, we've been on the two hour feeding schedule for 3 days now. Poor Addy, she doesn't know if she's coming or going and I really don't either. We're both exhausted. She's refusing to take a bottle, which is one more thing to stress about, but, I think she is starting to gain some more weight.
I'm going to have to get clever over the next week and pray that she starts to take the bottle again. I've read about a few tricks and hoping that something will work. And when this week is over, I am going to continue to pray that God grants me wisdom and shows me areas where I can be a better parent, even if it is hard at times.